Wednesday, October 1, 2008

What a day!

Some days I wonder how in the world I can feel so many emotions. Today was one of those days. I started out by taking the boys to the park. It was a beautiful day - and we had a really nice walk. I even met a new mom - (three week old baby) and she walked all the way home with me because we had so much to talk about. This is a huge deal for me - because I have yet to find a good friend here in TX. It was absolutely a divine appointment. We are going to walk together a few times a week. I am thrilled and so very thankful. My new friend put me in the best mood. I had such a light feeling of optimism all morning.

Last night we were at Target and I picked up some harvest colored sprinkles for decorating sugar cookies. I had planned on making the cookies for my Mom's group that meets tomorrow. Making sugar cookies for the appropriate season is one of my favorite things to do. I have the cutest fall cookie cutters. I couldn't wait. I hadn't done these in the longest time. During nap time, I got busy in the kitchen and made bread, cinnamon rolls, and the dough for my sugar cookies. I even downloaded a new CD on my iPod. My kitchen was a happy place to be.

Then, Little One got up from his nap. I wasn't ready to be done in the kitchen, and he had no interest in "helping" me. So, I turned on a show for him to watch so I could try and get most of the cookies cut out, and then I was going to finish them tonight. Big mistake. I should have just thrown the dough in the fridge. I am so frustrated with myself because I bite off way more than I can chew - especially with a newborn. I somehow forget that I am going to need to stop what ever I am doing and feed the little guy. Why can't I remember that before I start a project? I'm not sure.

Anyway, the show ended, and Little One needed direction, and was toddling about the kitchen...begging for my attention. I just wanted to finish up the cookies. He grabbed my 5 cup pyrex measuring cup off the counter. I told him to put it back and turned my back. The next thing I knew, I was watching the measuring cup slip from his hands and land on the floor. I remember praying that it wouldn't break. Ha. It hit the floor and shattered . Glass covered the counter tops and even scattered into the next room. I had to toss out the bread, cinnamon rolls, and cookies, because there were shards of glass on them. GRRRR. I was so mad. I was upset because he had not obeyed. I was upset because all the time I had spent cooking was now a waste. I was upset because I used that pyrex dish all the time. I was upset because I had nothing to take for snacks tomorrow at the mom's group. And, there was a huge mess to clean up - while managing a scared and defiant toddler and a fussy newborn. (I write in past-tense, but really I'm not over it all yet)

I am not happy to admit the emotional state of our home after this. What happened to that light, optimistic feeling? Gone. I was really upset, Little One kept on the disobedient path, I was nervous about all the glass and keeping Little One out of it, Baby Brother could feel the tention and wouldn't nurse and just screamed. I wanted to scream "Calgon Take Me Away!" Lots of times it is so hard for me to regroup and pull us all together when something like this happens. It seems to snowball and I get more and more frustrated. Thankfully, Hubs was on his way home - he stopped and got us dinner and we all ate in the dining room. After dinner, we went on a walk and then Little One went straight to bed. The kitchen remains a hazard area - which I better go tend to. But first, I think I may have that Calgon moment.

As I reread what I wrote, I've decided that I am going to focus on the good part of my day. Finding a friend is something I have been praying for since I moved here. I've been asking God to open a door of friendship somewhere. And he has! Plus, I have my mom's group tomorrow, which is brimming with friendship possibility. So, there's a disaster in my kitchen. So, I take a grocery store bought coffee cake for snacks. All of that won't matter next week. But a good friend - that has the potential to last forever.

****Now that the mess is mostly cleaned up, I must add that I am so thankful that no one was hurt! I found glass the size of a nickel in the back corners of my counter tops. Glass was flying! Either Little One or I could have really been injured, thank you God for your protection!


Michal said...

Well, that made me CRY! You just described an event that happens in my house all too frequently. I am constantly getting myself into projects that fill up a whole naptime and then some, and then what WAS a good day goes down the drain. I get so frusterated with this, and usually end up yelling at my kids which makes me feel awful afterwards. This is a weakness of mine that I am trying to work on. Because I work a full 3 days a week, my days at home are often filled with alot of house cleaning and that leaves me with less one on one time with the kids. I am wondering, now that you have two, how do you balance the time that the kids are awake with chores and fun? Rebecca, you are an inspiration! Thank you!

Jenny's Vegcafe said...

Oh, motherhood. Just hang in there and do what you can do. I understand how frustrating that must be to work so hard and then have it all ruined along with a good dish. Sigh. But, this too shall pass and before you know it your little men will be grown and gone. I sound like my mom but enjoy it while you can. And I know how hard that is to do when you're standing in the middle of crying babies, broken glass and ruined food. ((Hugs!))

Mom2Drew said...

Oh my dear, dear friend...HOW I can relate;)

I'm so thankful for your friend though, what a blessing!!! I too will try to focus on the positive:)!

Susan said...

I am so glad you were able to connect with someone. One thing about feelings is that you cannot rely on them. Without the Lord and something more imagine the mess! Even after dealing with the frustrations of motherhood and overestimating time, you were able to thank the Lord at the end of the day (or post). Just like David! Rebecca, you are a woman after God's own heart;)

*carrie* said...

Thanks for sharing this, Rebecca. I am so excited that you found a new friend!

I feel like we've been on a "mood" rollercoaster here lately: Nathan has been throwing lots of tantrums, and then 10 minutes later, he'll come up and give me a hug and say, "Hi, mommy" in the cutest way. He hasn't broken anything. But I know what you mean when you say Calgon, take me away!!

Lauren Ralston said...

I am so glad that I found your would have never guessed you had a bad day when I saw you on Thursday!

Rally said...

What a day! So sorry to hear that everything was ruined. But I am glad that everyone was okay and no one got cut! (Who do I sound like?). I am happy to hear your found a friend. God is good, all the time. Love you sis.