Today was a particularly rough day. Not with the newborn - but with the toddler. Somehow dealing with all of the new-born issues is a walk in the park compared with dealing with the toddler whose world has completely gone haywire. I remember stressing about everything with Little One when he was just a week old. Should the umbilical chord look like that? Has he been sleeping too long? How in the world was I going to function on sleeping for only three hours at a time? Ha. That's all old hat. Tonight I tried to feed Baby Brother formula - just because I have a splitting headache - and he is in the mode of "I just can't get enough mom". He refused the formula. Oh well. Anyway, I stressed a bunch when it came down to feeding Little One formula. Tonight it was a five second decision.
Little One is having a hard time with all of this change going on around here. All of the sudden every answer to every question is "NO!" and he does very little of what we ask him to do. There seems to be a little of a power struggle going on here. I am frustrated because he is not normally like this, I am running on very little sleep, and recovering from major surgery. My patience is running thin! He's frustrated because this sweet Baby Brother is not going away, and oh, he takes a lot of mom and dad's time. Tonight at bed time I laid down with Little One and he could not stop talking. "What's that?" and "Sing song". Keeping me there and putting off sleep as long as possible. It's like he was drinking in my presence. Okay, I need to change the subject because I am in a pool of hormonal tears....
I seriously wanted to down load every discipline/child raising book that's on my reading list onto my ipod tonight. I now feel like I felt when he was a brand new baby - What do I do? How do I handle this? I so want to do it right, and I so want to be sensitive to what's going on in his mind and heart. But the attitude, the whining, and resistance - it's really not okay.
So, does anyone out there have any suggestions or stories about their oldest and the transition to a new sibling? I'd love to hear what you have to say.
6 comments:
HUGE hugs:)
One little tip I can share (and I don't feel qualified because we've gone through the same thing recently) is this...
When you are nursing Baby...bring little one into the mix. Use that time as a storytime of sorts. Have little one grab a book, sit next to you and read. Interact as best you can with him, by asking questions...trying to show him that he's important as well and you want him to know this is also his time. The baby won't mind (hopefully) and little one will feel like that's "his" time as well. I worked very well with A.
Try giving little one tasks. I know he likes to help you, so maybe ask him to bring you a diaper for the baby, or other little helps like this. You'd be amazed at how useful he'll fee.
It's a journey.
Oh, honey, I am thinking of you! I have two other friends who've had babies in the past two weeks (4th and 3rd kids, respectively), and they're saying the same thing--that it's the older ones who are harder to care for right now than the newborn. I am praying for strength and wisdom for you, sweet Rebecca!
The only thing I can tell you is to make sure that you and hubby make special time alone with him and try to include him in baby stuff.
And use heavy praise when he does something right. It is hard on the little ones when you bring home a baby. My Big Girl is 5 and still has problems sharing Mommy and Daddy.
It has been over 2 years since I was going through what you are, but I can remember that my baby did A LOT of sleeping, so I was able to play with my toddler about as much as before. During nursing times it would be a good time to read books or watch a cartoon together.
I also used the mommy's helper mind game to make it seem like he was being a big help to me and that made him feel important. Also teaching him to let baby hold his finger, rubbing his head gently, or having him help swaddle, all the while saying that "baby really likes that and loves his big brother"
One thing to remember...This won't last long. Hang in there.
Rebecca,
I am thinking of you! I am still fussing on my only child. But I am really keeping my eye on how this looks with a toddler and baby. I think you will be giving me encouragement one day in the future. I am thinking of you, and your wonderful friends with 1 plus kids have so much wisdom to give. You can do this! Just one day at a time...
In my heart,
Susan
Rebecca, Allie and I are praying for you and family. We are so proud of you guys and all that has gone on in your lives since you moved.
I'm sure Allie will post a similar blog when we are where you guys are.
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